Psychosomatic conditions feel real, taste real, and most of them are real. If you have one, ok. If you have two, still ok. If you have like, four, five or six, or sit in your doctor’s office every other month with a different kind of “condition”, then that’s what’s typically called hypochondria. This could never happen in companies with models or methods. Modern managers practice situational leadership by objectives in some lean, kaizen type process improving their Deming skills continuously via balanced scorecards to avoid this. In no way there is chance that they suffer from Frameworkaholism, I want to explicitly stress that. Because.
IT departments are usually generally aligned business partners and integrate as profit centers with their natural environment via price tag benchmarking. They provide operational excellence with ITIL, ISO 20.000 and eTom, apply Six Sigma and TQM paradigms to their full service quality, and if nothing helps get ISO 9000-something-certified to make sure everybody is more impressed than motivated to oppose. To fix everything together we analyze the complex structure we have created with SA, do some object organic role magic just to be cool and tie people up with Event Process Chains only to see that this still does not make them do what rules want them to. The aris house is upside down, but very well documented upside down this is. We blame it on a lack of laziness copyrights, missing resistance patents, educational systems, and the internet.
To stabilize, we hire a couple of project mangers, certify the PRINCE2s by PMI, and introduce one of their (or better both) project management models to our organisations. If nothing helps, ISO 10006 will. Really. To feel secure, we eat IT Grundschutz, BS 7799, pray to the orange book and summon a couple of CISSPs. At least, our processes follow CMMI, so nobody may say anything against this practice, it follows best standards!
In software engineering we stop arguing over V- or waterfall models and introduce crystal clear extreme scrum programming and yet again pray that arguments will stop this time. We check our code in with cvs, svn and git just to make sure and for just in case we program everything in pythoned C# Java perls on rails, you can never know. At least, so we can do performance comparisons and seek and find the real truth. But wait, this paragraph is a little outdated. We reserve one project manager to plan our migration to SCALA on HTML5.
To get a clue of all this mess we control ourselves and let ourselves be controlled with Sarbanes Oxley or KontraG, implement Risk Management procedures, do regular Basel II assessments, dismantle our IT with COBIT, and hire some Certified Internal Auditors and CPAs to find out what the heck is going wrong. We take care that all of this is well documented with Our-UML. At least.
Even though we haven’t done any work yet, this is very well organised and looks damned professional. Diagnosis: Just Plain Certified.
I think I’ll look into becoming an organisational doctor, there’s a ton of money to be earned from frameworkaholistic patients! If there weren’t these health insurance like professional organisations trying to dictate the darn fees …